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by Scott
How to piss off rich snobs (or generally just people with no sense of humor) at parties...
Make a face of disgust after tasting the wine. Ask who left the grape juice out so long, and inquire about getting a Coke (but make sure it's in a wine glass so as to stay proper).
If you're not old enough to drink wine, pour some non-alcoholic beverage. Don't drink it until you reach the snob in question, take a sip of the drink and proceed to spit/pour it all over him/her and exclaim, "They didn't refrigerate it!"
Instead of excusing yourself to use the bathroom, say something like "I have to piss," "My ass needs emptying," "I have explosive diarrhea," etc.
As a side-not, while in the bathroom, randomly shout things like "Oh yeah!" "That the stuff!" "I don't remember eating THAT!" "Whoa, how'd THAT get there?" etc.
How to have fun at a dance, despite the nagging fact you don't have a date...
Dance. Who cares if you look stupid? It's not like you have a date.
During a slow song, ask some really hot girl (or guy, as the case may be) to dance. She'll be caught a little by surprise, but secretly she knows you dance way better than her date.
NOTE: She'll know your cool because you don't care what people think (she'll catch on from your dancing style).
If you don't see anyone you really want to dance with, do that thing where you wrap your arms around your back so it looks like you're making out with someone. You'll get some weird looks, but once people catch on, all will be good.
More slow-dance options…
Shout out "Oh, that ain't right!"
Shout out "Man this DJ sucks!"
Sing along with the song. REALLY loud.
Dance as though it were a more up-beat song (put something like "Funky Cold Medina" or "Zoot Suit Riot" in your head; it helps).
Memorize a Spartan cheer from Saturday Night Live. Perform.
Do an interpretative dance.
Go up to a friend (or even enemy) who DID find someone to dance with and say "and he scores!"
How to kill time when bored...
Strap a recycling bin to a skateboard and find a nearby paved hill (I've done this, it's fun as hell…not that there's anything fun about hell)
Call up a girl and see if she's busy. Who knows, it could work out "Snow Day"-style.
Learn the words to every song on an entire CD (and make sure it's a bunch of songs everyone's heard but doesn't know the words to...it rocks for parties).
Learn to break dance.
Write how-to lists.
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